I tried not to but I just could not resist. I still have too many things on my mind I have to put down somewhere! This morning began with me, tryin to force myself to sleep beyond 8am. I couldn't. Plus I had something on my mind. I was expecting a message. 

I have a theory that I have a serious heart condition. Everytime I'm anticipating something later in the day or am excited about something. my heart beats painfully fast in the morning, making sure I wake up. No matter how many times I flip over or how many pillows I put my leg on, it just does not calm down. Some instances that this has happened are:

-in school, when we had a field trip or a camp to go to that day.

-in school, when we were allowed to where 'coloured' clothes to school. (read: not uniform)

-when a boy I fancy is in the texting stage.

-when I know I must get up and study or do some sorta assignment.

-when I know my mom is pissed with me.

-when I have something planned for that day. From meeting friends to goin for a movie. 

How my heart justifies the premature ventricular contractions, I don't know. Even if my theory of having a heart condition is right, I will never know till I have to be rushed to the hospital for having a heart attack. I wonder if I'll even realise that I'm having a heart attack. I'm so used to my heart racing and beating painfully fast. Oh, my parents an I jus don't go to the doctor, unless our condition is so bad, we haven't eaten in days or gotten out of bed in weeks. Dad says if we go to the doctor, they will diagonise a problem and make you eat pills all your life. He says he'd rather die suddenly than know about an illness an suffer for long. I say if you die suddenly, what the hell do we do? A never ending argument, really.

That text I was expecting, I'm not even sure from whom I was expecting. Gold boy texted saying he's coming to pick up his ID for work I had managed to get it home from the drunken friday night. I did get out of bed only because dad had got biryani for breakfast. Oh yeah. We are hardcore non- veg eaters. I doubt I can go one day without eating non-veg. The very thought is painful. Gettin back to that text. I realised i was expecting this text for days now, but din know until I actually got it. A hurtful story cut short, my best friend was pissed off with me and her guy best friend for something that guy an I did. Only, I did now realise what I was doing would hurt her in anyway. I also din know she knew about it, an I din tell her so things wouldn't get weird between that guy, my best friend an me. That idiot guy had told her but din tell me he told her. Which made me look like I had done something horrible. She was so ticked off she told random people things about me an said really mean things about me on her blog. 

I've realised something. If you say bad things about people, they will hear about it. So i did hear about it an got to know about the blog too. I was hurt. Slightly shocked. But I felt nothing. (I'll get back to feeling nothing later). And I pretended like nothing has happened for a few days now. This morning, she texted confessing the whole thing and apologised. Though nothing had ever changed between us, except for the fact that now I was scared to tell this girl anything, because not only will she judge me (which I would be fine with) but she would tell me she gets it an then go talk badly. I've had random people telling me to keep my distance from her cause she can't be trusted. 

She apologized and that was all that was required, for things to come out in the open. So now everything is back to normal. 

That guy is an asshole. But eh, what the hell. I never was madly in love with him. I had never given him the right to hurt me so it din really make a difference.

I am an extremely hyper person around people. I'm always happy. I've tried it an it works. If you want to be happy, you will be happy no matter what. And believe me, no matter what the situation, there is a way to be happy. I've gone from introvert to weirdo to punk metal chick to goth depressed to the most popular girl to a  heart broken girl (heart been broken by a guy I loved beyond words and dreamt of a family an kids with. In other words, I was a teenager). So I've seen it all. I've seen a million things an I'm so glad because I learnt a million lessons on the way. So today I'm a happy person, who is just a logical an mature as I seem hyper an stupid. 

Trust me, sometimes its easier to pretend to not know/understand something than get involved in the complexity of a situation. 

On a very non related note, I went to the sunday soul sante at palace grounds with mom. Stupidly expesive somethings were. I paid 120 INR for 3 macaroons. They were the first I had ever tasted an wanted them because I learnt about them in Australian Masterchef xD But, they were worth the hype. They were divine!

 

I must stop blogging right now. I have an intuition I'll want to watch something on TV right now. o.O

#randomness

Toodles lovelies <3